Ever notice how people talking loudly in a group when you’re alone is just about the most annoying thing since crying plane babies? Ever find yourself gripping your seat to avoid throwing slapbombs and yelling irrational, crude insults that warrant serious suspicion of Tourettes? Ya, me too.
Recently, while riding along on a particularly empty subway car, I sat perched across from a group of 4 to 5 ‘young adults’. (This is a term I use loosely, since I can’t tell the difference between 16 year olds and 24 year olds anymore. Thanks, hormone-infused-food, you make me pervy even when it feels like it should be legal.) These punks were loud, laughing and having a jolly fucking time and were, therefore, extremely irritating. Everything that came out of their chirpy mouths felt punch-worthy.
What’s that? Your super-new sparkly jacked up phone has all the cool shit your friends are envious of? Congratulations, asshole.
Your new haircut is tots not what you wanted? OMFG! How will you go on!?
Your friend’s boyfriend’s cat’s lover’s owner’s cousin is having a party and didn’t invite you? NO FLIPPING WAY. Let’s go burn down his house.
Here’s an idea: instead of talking, you should consider shutting your stupid face.
P.S. I am totally one of those annoying twenty-something bitches, except everything I say is a gift. You’re welcome, world.