January 3, 2012

Your Face Isn't Stinky (Probably)

So… it’s 2012. Y’all ready for the world to end?

Sweet, me too.*

It seems like the popular thing to do when a new year starts is to dissect the previous year’s accomplishments and failures and decide how to rock the fuck out of the new year.

I’m not going to do that.

This past year was pretty awesome for me and I don’t feel like picking it apart.  Don’t get me wrong- it wasn’t without its hiccups and (mostly) metaphorical kicks to the box, but it was filled with a shit-ton of laughter and that’s what I’ll chose to remember. Regardless, 2010 kicked 2011’s ass… and I expect that 2012 will do just the same.

I’m not bursting with things to talk about today… largely because I killed an army of brain cells and ate enough to feed a family of 6 this weekend, causing simple tasks like breathing and blinking to be pretty effing challenging. 

I’m writing today because I really just wanted to gloat.

And brag.

And rub this in your stinky, little faces. (I’m just kidding. I love your faces regardless of their odour and size.)

My point is: I managed to spend less than $20 on New Year’s Eve. 

While I’m often terrible at following my own advice, (you are too, bitch, get off your high horse), I managed to have an incredibly stress-free NYE. And, like my official post-it promised, it was also filled with booze. Lots and lots of booze. 

While my drunk memory is becoming increasingly less reliable, I do have some pretty fond memories of rapping the shit out of that badass rap verse of TLC’s Waterfalls… and many, many memories of some serious ass slapping. Really I shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near tequila… come to think of it, maybe that’s why people feed me tequila in the first place… it’s all making sense now. 
I’m onto you. *winkface*

Jose is the *best* hugger

I think it’s about time I shut my trap.

I’ll leave you today with one of my favourite Sharon quotes of 2011.
(To familiarize yourself with Sharon, click right hurr.)

“The black guy I used to fuck in university had me in his phone as ‘Puddles’ because I squirted so much. He only ever wanted to fuck me in the tub.”- Sharon

Happy New Year, from myself and Puddles. 


*To clarify, my overall feeling towards the “end of the world” is indifference. I’m not going to start stocking up like the assholes of Y2K did. If the world ends, it ends. Try to have a lot of sex and booze before that happens. No excuses, buddy… the world is ending.


Did you do anything fun to ring in the new year?


  1. You're my new favourite site.

  2. You buddy Jose and I don't really get along. At least I don't *think* we do. I don't really remember.

    I did not do anything fun for New Year's Eve. I'd planned on going to a party, but the host cancelled because they got sick. :(

  3. Anon- You're my new favourite face.

    Mike- I'm very sorry you do not get along. I'll have a little chat with him.

    As for NYE, I guess you beat me in the "spend as little money as possible" department... but slap the pseudo-host next time you see them for being such a letdown.

  4. You're my hero. I spent much money on New Year's. However, it was all worth it. At least what I remember.
    Also, your friend Sharon is awesome.

  5. Melissa- If it's worth it... that's all that matters. I'm sure the vodka fiber helped you out ;)

    And yes, she is super awesome.

    eyelaugh- ;)

  6. Dude, I've tried to comment TWICE to this post already and my stupid android phone is being stupid. *puts back on her big girl panties* Okay, what I kept trying to say is that I love your blog, and I can't wait to read more :)

  7. Alisha- Glad to have you... With or without your big girl panties ;)

  8. My boyfriend and I partied it up at his place with just us and some free (disgusting tasting) booze from his brother, and video games.

  9. Jay- Disgusting is only okay if it's free. So, Cheers!