There are some goddamn ridiculous things in our world that get way too much attention. The spotlight is poured all over ignorance, consumerism and general douchebaggery. Snooki has taken pride and glory away from the Almighty Pickle, and I’m not standing for it any longer.
It is time some props are paid to the lesser-appreciated things in our lives… well… in my life, anyway.
Onto the list...
10 Things That Deserve Some Fist-Bumps
1) Colouring Books and Crayons
|I bet Katie did this one.|
If you think you’re ‘too old’ or ‘too cool’ for colouring books and/or crayons, get the fuck out right now. (Okay, fine, you can stay… but I’m judging you.) These little delights bring so much joy to a lazy Sunday afternoon. The best part is when you trace the outline of the image by pressing harder with the crayon and then shade in the image all light and delicately. That’s the good shit right there. I’ve never been good at drawing, so these books have always provided me with a satisfaction I can only imagine real artists feel. (Well, maybe a little less satisfaction, but it’s definitely pretty close.) I recommended rooting through people’s trash and/or ‘free’ curbside giveaways to find colouring books. I found a pretty awesome My Little Pony one this summer. I’m still coming to terms with some bitch named Katie scribbling outside of the lines. Way to ruin it for all of us, Katie.
To those of you who know me, I’m sure you’re rolling your eyes right now. My love affair withpotatoes has gotten completely out of hand, and sometime in the near future you may have to hold an intervention for me- Irish Potato Famine style. There is no time of day when I don’t want a potato. Seriously, they don’t get enough props. They’re delicious in every form… except raw (and my mother would even dispute that. She loves her some raw taters.)
|This naughty garlic is stripping for you.|
I know people love it, and I know it makes its way into tons and tons of dishes, but still, this stinky little fucker is so delicious and deserves some sort of award. Especially when it’s paired with potatoes. Hummus? Amazing. Aioli? Redonk. Garlic bread? Fuck my mouth that shit is heavenly. Fuck diamonds; Garlic is a girl’s best friend.
4) Taking Off Your Socks
|As a person who hates feet, googling this was extremely scarring.|
I might be alone on this one, but holy mothereffer can I take a moment to acknowledge this glorious sensation. At 7:30am I put on my socks. While the feeling of putting on a clean pair of unstretched socks is pretty rad, when I get to peel them off when I get home 9 hours later, I feel more liberated that an escaped zoo monkey. How could anything beat this magnificent feeling, you ask? Get into clean sheets with those newly-bared feet.
Yup. You just had an orgasm.
|Oh sweet merciful relief!|
That’s right, Urinating - both of the public and private variety, and more specifically (but not exclusively) when you’re drunk. I’ve noticed that in daily life, there is a lot of focus on our nether regions, but more often than not it’s sexual in nature. While I can acknowledge that urine and sex are not always mutually exclusive, that’s not the kind of peeing that I think is underrated. I’m talking about that moment when you can finally pee after minutes or hours (depending on your bladder control) of holding it in. The feeling of relief is heightened if you’ve been stuck waiting in line for the troop of glitterbitches to be done powdering their snatches in the only two stalls at the bar. After pounding back booze, nothing can beat that sweet sweet relief of letting your yellow river flow, whether in, around, or nowhere near a toilet. We’ve all had to talk our way out of being ticketed for public urination, right?
|Heh Heh... in macro you sort of look like pubes, old pal.|
I heart you so hard, Velcro. You make it so easy to put on shoes, and you aren’t as finicky and annoying as laces or buttons. If you could be a little bit quieter, I’d totally wear exclusively Velcro-fastened clothing- specifically lingerie.
|This man can burp.|
I don’t care if it’s ‘rude’, burps are gas-filled angel songs. They make room for more food and/or drink and everyone can rejoice in an audible, impressively long belch. And, with the exception of burps that smell like someone was sucking on pepperoni (the kind of meat found on pizza, folks. Seriously, get your heads out of the gutter), I generally don’t find them even remotely gross. Mostly they’re just triumphant.
8) (Veggie) Street Meat
|You complete me.|
I’m pretty sure they are gifts from the heavens - especially when they are drenched in hot sauce and pickles. I’d do terrible things to get my hands on street meat after a bar. Terrible things.
10) Bananas with Peanut Butter
This duo deserves to be the cover picture of Match.com, because fuck me if they’re aren’t the most magnificent conjunction of love and flavour. Throw in some cinnamon, and you’ve got Threesome.com*’s newest poster children. Delish.
*I don’t know if that’s a real website, but it is probably porn. You probably shouldn’t check if you’re at work.
Are there any things that you think are underrated/not appreciated enough in life?